In order to make it possible for everyone to attend church next week, we are planning a special no-excuse Sunday.
1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, “Sunday is my only day for sleeping in.”
2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
3. We will have steel helmets for those who believe the roof will cave in if they show up for church.
4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot.
5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, “The pastor doesn’t talk loud enough.” Ear plugs for those who complain he speaks too loud.
6. Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites.
7. We guarantee that relatives will be present for those who like to go visiting.
8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can’t go to church and cook dinner, too.
9. One section of the church will have some trees and grass for those who see God in nature, especially on the gold course.
10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies to create an environment for those who have never seen the church without them.
ALSO, HOW ABOUT…..
–Enclosed booths for those who cannot stand to be in a crowd.
–Oxygen for those who get to feeling “stuffy”.
–Robes for those who don’t have clothes to wear.
–Spotlights for those who like to be the center of attention.
–Pillows for those who like to sleep in church.
–Joke books for those who say the pastor is too serious.
–Thinking caps for those who can’t make up their mind.
–Pictures of Satan and hell for those who love their sin.
OR HOW ABOUT…..
–Preaching, “Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish?”
